Draw a circle, that's your mom
by actualstick
Summary: The adventures of a young micronation, Sealand stuck in a strange reality in which everyone around him is acting horribly confusing and out of character. -all dialogue is made of quotes from Twittertalia @actual accounts, used with permission-


Now, world meetings have never been what you'd describe as formal affairs. I was able to see that from day one of my assimilation into the way of life of a nation. For being such important, influential beings as they all act like they are, they sure do slack off a lot. It's downright childish, really, and that's coming from the 15 year old!  
Regardless of how bizarre things can usually get, though, what's been happening lately is… Unsettling. They're the ones acting like annoying kids, those hypocrites! None of them are even talking like themselves. Well, I mean, they still have their accents, that hasn't changed, but… I'm not quite explaining it right. Here, I'll give an example of the meeting that was held just yesterday.

Well, as per usual, England got pissed at me as soon as I entered the meeting. Unlike usual, however, he called me a, and I quote, "fucking lil shit" and told me to go to bed. Ugh, I just hate it when he has to go around acting all—I digress.

It wasn't just him that was acting a little strange. Lithuania was desperately trying to find someone to date him, Hungary asked if I was a "fucking gremlin", and China tried to sell me drugs, aru. At the time, I went along with it, but I'm very concerned. Everyone's become like this lately. Obviously, something huge has happened.  
Therefore, I'm making it my mission as the only sane nation left to get to the bottom of what power has taken hold of everyone, and once I do that, I'll find a way to reverse it and I will finally be not only the nation but the hero I've always been meant to be!

* * *

The young micronation shut his notebook and glanced around the room, as though looking for any signs of abnormalities. He was much more excited about starting his investigations than he was worried about whether he'd be at all successful. He decided to go out and begin looking.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the youth, his own caretaker-companions had also been slowly drifting into the insanity. As Sealand gathered information from the other European nations, a meeting was held back home between the five Nordics, and it was ugly indeed.

Sweden cleared his throat and looked around the room. Finland had a bit of a dazed look, Norway and Denmark whispered what were likely passive aggressive insults to each other, and Iceland appeared to be murmuring to his puffin. The appearance was that of a perfectly normal day, but it was merely that; an appearance. Berwald himself would now set the confusing, uncomfortable, slightly insulting mood of the room.

"If anyone came and attacked you guys, I'd lock them in Ikea and watch them die of a slow, painful death," the Swede declared, a creepy smile coming over his face.

Immediately, Finland, mirroring the unsettling smile, replied, "And stick raw spaghetti through his urethra!"

"And then shove macaroni down their throat." Sweden finished.

Iceland opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Norway burst out, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SWEDEN, I SWEAR TO GOD."

"Hey, now, you listen here," Sweden calmly started—

"Norway has killed someone using a stick of butter and a sock."

Everyone turned to stare at Iceland, his declaration hanging in the air, taking up too much space for anyone to find anything to reply with.

A few very long seconds passed before Norway said what was clearly on everyone's mind. "What the hell just happened?"

"Iceland used to cling to Norway's leg like a koala when he was little," Denmark interjected, laughing as Iceland flushed in response.

"BREAKING NEWS: Denmark is a little bitch!" Iceland hissed.

"We caught Norway and Denmark fucking," Sweden muttered out of nowhere, and Norway's face expressed emotion for perhaps the first time that day.

Oddly enough, Denmark only responded with, "And then he divorced me for butter."

There was a pause, which could have been interpreted as either sad or completely confused. Denmark stood up promptly and left the room.

There was a bit of shuffling around and the question was brought up as to where Finland had gone. He'd only said one thing this whole meeting, and now it was noticed that he was not present in his seat either—

"I'm under the desk giving Sweden a blowjob," Tino's voice rang out from under the... Wow, okay, let's change focus from the Nordics now, shall we?


End file.
